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If your therapy goal is to become more patient with yourself and others, you’re in luck. Patience can be developed. Here’s how to get started:

As a therapist, I often hear that individuals desire patience for themselves and others. Many of us consider it a core value. But life can be stressful. And we don’t always show up as our most patient selves in frustrating moments. 

As valuable as it is to have patience, it can be hard to practice. When you’re tired and stressed out, your fuse may be much shorter than when you’re feeling good. It’s hard to practice patience when you’re not at your best. But it is possible to become a more patient person. 

It’s a common misperception that some people are patient and others aren’t. But there’s really a spectrum. Some are hesitant to practice patience because they believe being patient equates to being passive or nonassertive. And sometimes people fear that if they’re patient, their wants or needs will go unmet. 

These types of beliefs aren’t always accurate. Research shows that patience improves relationships, increases satisfaction in life, instills hope, and contributes to positive self-esteem. Paradoxically, patience can help people in their pursuit of accomplishing goals. By practicing patience, we’re more emotionally regulated, which allows us to exert more effort. When we’re not patient, however, we can become emotionally overwhelmed and end up giving up. 

In therapy, we often discuss how to be “better” versions of ourselves. That is, how to show up and relate to others and to ourselves in kinder, more authentic ways. Learning to practice patience may be a big part of that. Read on for ways to further develop patience, according to a therapist.

1. Identify core issues that contribute to impatience.

Irritability is a common symptom of stress, anxiety, and burnout. We are not at our best when struggling with these types of issues, which are often chronic. To become a more patient person, we first need to address the core issues that contribute to our impatience. Not what issues lie at the core of your particular impatience? Consulting with a therapist can help.

2. Identify and address stressors that lead to impatience.

We are not at our best when our basic needs are unmet. If you begin to feel impatient, you can use the HALT acronym to remind you to check for signs of feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Identifying and addressing these common stressors can help you approach life from a better state of mind. 

Try identifying patterns where you’re more inclined to experience any of the HALT stressors so that you can get ahead of them. For example, if you notice feeling hungry and tired after work, you may want to grab a snack and take a walk before you transition from work to home life. Once these stressors are addressed, you’ll be better equipped to practice patience. Your therapist can help you identify optimal ways to track this.

3. Reframe your thoughts.

Impatience is usually driven by negative thought processes. If you find yourself impatient, you may become frustrated at the idea that someone (or even the universe) is trying to ruin your day. By realigning your thoughts with reality, you can gain an improved perspective that will lend to patience. Try to reframe your perspective next time you feel impatient. Ask yourself whether the situation will matter in the grand scheme. By reframing your thoughts, you may start to experience more patience. 

4. Engage in self-care.

In therapy, we talk a lot about self-care. That’s because self-care, self-indulgence, and self-sabotage can look alike sometimes. But self-care is a necessary component of good mental health. Self-care often includes making time for enjoyable activities such as hiking, reading, gaming, creative pursuits, being with loved ones, or spending time alone. 

To differentiate self-care from numbing behaviors, ask yourself how you feel after engaging in the activity. If you feel more patient and energized, you’re on the right track. If you feel more drained and depleted than before, consider an alternate activity. 

5. Sleep, rest, and take some time off.

When we’re stressed out, sleep-impaired, or overwhelmed with a busy work schedule, we don’t have the bandwidth for much else. Therefore, it’s essential to place boundaries around your sleep schedule and work hours. Being well-rested is an essential part of being a patient person.

6. Exercise.

As a therapist, I cannot recommend exercise enough. Exercise increases endorphins, which are considered to be the “feel-good” brain chemicals or “happy” hormones. Exercise engages our nervous system in a way that can help us feel more calm. Not only does exercise benefit your physical health, it can have an enormous effect on your mental health. Since it’s not safe for everyone to exercise, try to consult with a doctor before starting a new routine.

7. Meditate.

Meditation is one of the most challenging tasks for people struggling with patience, but it’s also one of the most beneficial. Meditation can help us develop the practice of intentional focus and expand our window of tolerance for stress. Think of a meditation practice like going to the gym. The more you go, the more benefit you’ll see. 

8. Spend time in nature.

As a therapist, I regularly remind clients to spend time in nature. A wealth of research shows that nature positively influences mental health. The benefits are far-reaching and include psychological and physical advantages. Being in nature helps promote attention, self-control, and cognitive flexibility. Nature also reduces stress, anger, and anxiety while increasing more positive, pleasant feelings.

9. Therapy

If you’re unable to identify or manage the core issues or stressors that contribute to impatience, therapy can help. Many clients come to therapy because they want to be more patient and present in their lives. A therapist can help you address the core issues that contribute to the problem of patience and create an individualized treatment plan.