Therapy Newbie or Novice: 3 Important Things to Know
Therapy image credit: Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Don’t know what to expect in therapy? You’re not alone. Therapists are trained to prepare our clients to smoothly transition through the phases of therapy. You’re in good hands. No matter where you are in your therapeutic journey, there’s always more to learn.
So where are you in your therapy journey? And what should you expect?
1. You’re considering therapy but haven’t started.
If you’re thinking about therapy, but haven’t yet started, you may feel completely lost. You’re not alone. Most people have no idea what to expect in therapy. They may have some faint idea from watching (cringes a little) Dr. Phil or someone who plays a therapist on television. But on-screen portrayals of what actually goes on in the therapy room (or on zoom, these days) can be wildly inaccurate. What’s a person to expect?
Unless you went to grad school for therapy, it’s ok that you didn’t get the memo about what to expect. You may have assumptions, expectations, and ideas. But your experience in therapy will be unlike anyone else’s. It will consist of what you bring to it, the dynamic you have with your therapist, and the unfolding of a uniquely transformative experience.
2. You’re new to therapy and just starting to get the feel of it.
If you’re a few sessions into therapy, you may have just started to unearth some deep stuff. If you’re doing therapy online, you’re likely realizing that it’s much more convenient and effective than you initially thought.
At this point, you and your therapist are still getting to know each other. Your therapist is likely asking questions about your current situation, your past, and your presenting issues. You’re both beginning to better understand your patterns of thinking, behaving, and relating. You’re also probably gaining a better understanding of your therapist’s approach to treatment.
Sometimes clients are curious and motivated at the start of therapy. Sometimes they’re more skeptical and reluctant. If you identified as the latter group before starting therapy, you may have already started to notice a positive change in the right direction. By now, you may be able to identify the benefits of therapy because you’re starting to experience them for yourself.
3. You’ve been in therapy for a bit and know the drill.
Most of my clients report that they enjoy therapy. But for some, therapy feels like a love/hate relationship. Like a workout, you may not feel like showing up to or (logging into) your session sometimes, but you know you’ll be better for it.
Sometimes therapy can feel like the first mile of a long run. It’s arguably the hardest and most uncomfortable mile. Your body wants to stay at rest. But once your body kicks into motion, you start to feel your goals become accomplishable. Even though it’s challenging work, you often start to notice some gains early on. Seeing these gains can give you energy and hope for a better future.
Gains in therapy can look like “ah-ha” moments, breakdowns, breakthroughs, and even therapy graduations. Therapy graduation is when you’ve met your goals.
Whichever stage of therapy you’ve identified with, the following three things are essential to remember about your journey.
Photo by youssef naddam on Unsplash
3 Important things to remember while in therapy
1. Trust the process.
The phases of therapy likely feel smoother for the therapist than they might for you. Your therapist knows what to expect and how to work with the inevitable hurdles and challenges. If and when your therapist feels challenged, ethically, they will seek consultation or supervision with other therapists. Therapists don’t always know all the things, but they know how to refer or find out for you.
Your therapist will hold space for slip-ups and back-steps. They know that the therapeutic process of change is not linear. There are many fits and starts. There are many times you’ll wonder if you’re improving. But through it all, your therapist is probably not rattled. They’re holding hope for you. If your therapist didn’t think a change was possible for you, they would not still be working with you.
So if you ever feel like a lost cause, remember your therapist is still showing up for you. Perhaps they see something in you that you’re missing. Maybe that thing is resilience, maybe it’s your strengths and skillset, maybe it’s confidence in the therapeutic process of change. Perhaps it’s all of the above.
2. Therapy is a relationship.
The therapeutic relationship is at the core of your work in therapy. But it’s a relationship unlike any other you’ll have. There is ample research showing the relationship you have with your therapist is the most important factor to a positive outcome in therapy.
The therapeutic relationship is the working alliance between therapist and client. It consists of the client’s confidence in their therapist and their aligned interest in the client’s goals, therapeutic tasks, and the strength of their rapport.
Why does the therapeutic relationship matter so much? Individuals who struggle with mental health issues often find their problems are rooted in relationship issues or social struggles. The therapeutic relationship can be a corrective experience wherein clients are provided a secure, sensitive, and responsive base. Because most individuals who enter therapy have been hurt in some way, the therapist can help the individual heal from previous relationship wounds.
3. Outcome relies on effort.
What often prevents people from ever entering therapy is the fear of change. The “fear” that we speak of, is often an aversion toward discomfort. Of course, we don’t like discomfort. That’s a natural part of being human. But to experience change, it’s important to get comfortable with discomfort.
For therapy to be effective, you need to be willing to endure discomfort. I know. It sucks.
But the truth is, there was already some kind of comfort that brought you to therapy. Chances are that whatever discomfort you face temporarily in your therapeutic work, will lead to an overall decrease in discomfort. Therapy just leads to less pain.
The effort a client puts forth in therapy makes all the difference. The therapist is there to guide and support. But for therapy to be effective, the client needs to participate and do the majority of the heavy lifting. Therapists have been educated not to work harder than their clients. The reasons for this are plentiful and include problematic relational patterns, such as fostering dependence and enabling complacency. Plus, a therapist alone cannot change a person. No matter how educated, dedicated, experienced, or skillful the therapist, we can only change ourselves.
According to Edward A. Johnson, Professor of Clinical Psychology,
“Understanding how clients make therapy work requires a drastic overhaul of the assumption that they passively respond to the ministrations of guru-like therapists. On the contrary, it is clients’ active participation in therapy through their involvement, learning and application of what they learn that leads to improvement. For this to occur, it helps if clients are open to exploring their emotions and internal experiences and are willing to endure discomfort and make efforts to achieve change.”
Takeaways:
- It’s normal not to know what to expect. Your therapist has got your back.
- The relationship you have with your therapist matters. Not just any therapist will do.
- To get the most benefit from therapy, you must do the work. It’s hard but worth it!
Rebecca Phillips, MS, LPC
Hi there! I’m a licensed therapist in Frisco Tx. I’m available for online therapy from anywhere throughout the entire state of Texas. But I am not the therapist for everyone. I value science and an evidence-based approach to therapy. My specializations include anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship issues. I’m happy to provide a complimentary consultation to help you and I both decide if we’re a good fit before we start our work together. Let me know how I can help. Schedule a consult here.